married to a love addict

They need to just put their foot down and leave the person. Finances. The Avoidant Love Addict type is the partner Typical Love Addicts most commonly and repeatedly fall for in relationships. So getting back to the issue of marriage and addiction, it would seem that there are just as many millions of people out there suffering from the effects of living with an addict. As a leading expert, Through his writings and online recovery practice, Jim offersmuch hope for those struggling with love addiction- to discover a healthy and solid path to break free from obsessive love patterns as well support and guidance to overcome theacute discomfort of breakup love withdrawal. Get outdoor exercise: Walk, run, bike or hike 20 to 30 minutes, breathing deeply and enjoying the suns natural vitamin D. Add some weight-bearing exercises such as push-ups, crunches, squats and bicep curls to keep your muscles toned. Their reality becomes either all black or all white (either desperate for loveor desperate to keep away love). You must maintain sound physical, mental and emotional health to better enjoy life despite this ongoing battle and to better help your loved one face up to and eventually conquer addiction. In short, enabling means doing things for a person that he would and could do for himself if he werent mired in addiction. In their obsession, fantasy and denial they quickly fall into and become infatuated in relationships. About, Terms and Conditions Privacy Policy. However, sometimes things can get really, really tricky within a marriage and the issues and the struggles that a marriage can face can be too much for it to bear. Get equipped with practical truth and biblical arguments for life so you can confidently and compassionately engage our culture. an addict has to want help in order to stop acting self-destructively. More contact information. Here are some of the estimates of numbers on only a handful of types of addictions: There are many other variations of addictions such as gaming, shopping or spending, sex and love addiction (which might include internet porn) and pot smoking, which is all too often disguised as a medical necessity.. Their goal is to keep their partner in prison, emotionally and physically. doesnt mean there is no hope for your relationship. Even if the Non-Romantic love addict is in a committed relationship or married- they can become emotionally attached, dependent upon and addicted to someone outside without romantic or sexual intentions- including someone of the same sex. 4- NON-ROMANTIC LOVE ADDICT Black, in love, and all over the place - via Podcast Addict | Black fairly young married couple take on everyday obstacles and laughs within 10 minutes Currently, Calderone is 35years old. Theyre all good things, but the busyness that comes with these responsibilities can leave any husband or wife feeling disconnected. A marriage can veritably be ruined by drug and alcohol addiction. When this happens the truth of the matter is that people really do need to stop with what they are doing. Check out our blog on, signs of a codependent relationship and how to fix it. One of the most painful aspects of loving someone with an addiction is the feeling that you are powerless to help. A paper published by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University found that married men with addiction to alcohol are more likely to have a poor relationship with their wives. Yet, being in a relationship with a partner that has an addiction to alcohol or drugs can lead to an unhealthy relationship with emotional stress and abuse. They can become obsessively addicted to anyone-- an acquaintance, friend, priest, teacher, co-worker, child, or celebrity. Mass Shooters and the Myth That Evil Is Obvious, Transforming Empathy Into Compassion: Why It Matters, An Addiction Myth That Needs to Be Revisited, 3 Possible Reasons Your Partner Isnt Connecting With You, The Ambiguous Loss of Loving an Addict and Letting Them Go, 5 Ways "Food Addiction" and Drug Addiction Intersect. It can be heartbreaking and devastating, but it sometimes is the only choice you have as the non-addict. Love Addiction Relationships, Get Tools& Addiction to drugs and alcohol is an issue that no one should have to go through alone. Helping your loved one does not mean giving up your own life. For more help. So, if you are at the end of your rope and truly are ready to leave unless your partner gets in recovery, that is a boundary you can and should share. All of these are valid statements, but they are only idle, hollow threats unless you follow through with the or else part of the equation. Addiction recovery programs are more affordable than you may think, and can be vital to restoring quality of life for you and your loved one when married to an addict. Things can come up like adultery, serious financial problems, power struggles, and drug addiction. But heres the secret: Such downtimes are when focused self-care is most needed and will do you the most good. If youre not careful, dealing with an addicted loved one can preoccupy you to the extent that you forget about the activities that used to bring you relaxation and joy. Though it may feel incredibly difficult, try to be forgiving and accept things you cannot change about your partner in order to find, Though being married to an addict may seem like the major issue in your relationship, ask yourself if you can take responsibility for any part of the struggles you face together (hint: there is always something you can take responsibility for when it comes to relationship concerns). So it's not surprising that addiction and divorce often go hand-in-hand. A Guide for Spouses of Addicts: How to Help Your Loved One. Whatever road you and your loved one travel, youre likely to face a number of difficulties while married to an addict. Additionally, they and their wives reported less sexual satisfaction and more sexual dysfunction than couples not facing addiction and marriage issues. For some of these signs, just one indication or happenstance is enough to call it quits. Call Choices Recovery today for more information on help with being married to an addict. Again and again (sometimes it may be just one painful experience) they experience the painful grief and withdrawal symptoms when a relationship. Lying to your spouses boss about why he or she called in sick. Our intimate relationships are supposed to be safe havens, and our homes places that provide shelter from danger. Whatever the step, its an important one to take. Getting away from a substance-abusing spouse, putting some space between you and being married to an addict, can give a person the peace of mind and the stability that they need to start rebuilding and stabilizing their lives. Unfortunately, addiction and divorce are commonly seen together. The addict must want to change in order to embrace recovery, and the behavior must change in order to enjoy a healthy, happy life together. Battered Love Addicts are much more often than not, females; however, there is a small percentage of males are of this type as well. Have you let your spouse know that you are contemplating divorce unless s/he stops using? A large number of couples struggling with addiction divorce or live unhappily in their situation. Hes in recovery today and wants to inspire others to overcome their addictions. It's a life of justifications, covering up, pretending. Examples of enabling behavior might include: Allowing a loved one to neglect their responsibilities. For those who need professional advice, it can be helpful to find a therapist in your community who specializes in addictive illness and recovery. If they dont have other coping strategies in place or havent dealt with the painful feelings and past trauma they are numbing with their addiction, they likely wont be successful in changing their addictive behaviors. It takes getting clean and sober before our senses and true happiness come back. Do not hesitate to reach out to acounselor, pastor, or mentor for ongoing help and advice. You can't even imagine activities where you'll meet new people. Fals-Stewart, W., OFarrell, T. J., & Birchler, G. R. (2004). If you or a loved one is struggling with chemical dependency and are ready drug rehabilitation, please call 1-800-481-8457 or visit oarcstaging.wpengine.com. With boundaries, you are less likely to become entangled in the chaos of addiction, you will maintain order and dignity, and avoid emotional roller-coaster rides. Why wont you stop using? or, If you really loved me, youd stop drinking, spending too much, starving yourself.. While this decline seems preventableand there is no shortage of rehabs, 12-step programs and other types of supportsan addict has to want help in order to stop acting self-destructively. This type is a parent who loves too much, not a romantic partner, but their own child. Couple Gets Married in the . You have to deal with the person you love behaving irrationally, getting sick, perhaps lying, cheating or any other number of unacceptable behaviors and, on top of that, you are legally bound to this person. I recommend checking out 12-step programs such as Al-anon, CoDA (Codependents Anonymous), ACoA (Adult Children of Alcoholics), as well as the many companion programs for gamblers, sex addicts, food addicts and more. You might whitewash rude or erratic behavior (Hes been under so much stress lately). This is a powerful tool that friends and family can use to educate everyone (including the addict) on what addiction is, how the family system may be unconsciously helping the addict continue their negative behavior, and what type of treatment plan is recommended for the family (yes, the familyit is a fact that treating the addict alone will do little to interrupt the dysfunctional system). A boundary is different because you have every intention of holding it. While addiction may be the biggest problem in your marriage, its almost guaranteed that its not the only one. If you need further guidance and encouragement, Focus on the Family has a staff of licensed, professional counselors | Some loved ones may ask themselves whether they can legally force their spouse into a rehab program. You promised to stick by this person's side in sickness and in health and now . The truth that you need to remind yourself often is this: Understanding and accepting these three powerful truths will help you as you consider your role in the recovery and healing of the addict you care about. Typically, it is just that. Marriage can be tough under the best of circumstances, but add in a spouse struggling with an. Its also important to follow through if they do not get help for themselves. to help people with substance abuse disorders and their families. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, You have to deal with the person you love behaving irrationally, getting sick, perhaps, No doubt, addiction is one of the greatest challenges a, 8 million Americans are believed to have eating disorders, 2 million U.S. citizens are estimated to be pathologically problematic gamblers, (and 4-6 million people might be classified as merely "problem gamblers"). Contact us today to learn more! The sexual obsession with one partner becomes a significant driving force for staying in a relationship. Has Focus on the Family helped you or your family? Here are examples of boundaries: No drugs or alcohol are allowed around me or in the house.Let your loved one know what substances are acceptable and unacceptable in the home. He or she: Respects your boundaries even if they don't agree with them. If youremarried to an addict, find more advice in, For free consultation and counseling referrals, call. WITH THOUSANDS OF OTHERS, Contact About 1.6 million adults ages 18-25 and 4.3 million adults age 26 and older, in 2015, reported use ofpsychotherapeutic drugs, which included prescription pain relievers, tranquilizers, and stimulants, for non-medical reasons. (2004). In Al-Anon, they call it putting pillows under them so that the addict never feels the pain of mistakes. You may find yourself in need of formal or peer support as you help your loved one navigate their recovery. Its also important to do what you can to support your marriage as a whole when married to an addict. The Fruit of the Spirit Devotionalis afreeseries of nine short videos to get you into Gods Word and inspire you to seek the Holy Spirits help in loving your spouse. Sex addiction does not imply a perfectly- fulfilled . Your whole life can revolve around their substance abuse. Defining Addiction Family members often resort to saying things like,If you dont quit drinking, Ill leave! Or, If you continue to use pornography, Ill ask you to live somewhere else. Or, Youve gambled away your car payment, and Im not going to bail you out this time.. Having someone to love and be loved by is something almost everyone strives for. Out of this group, 66.7million people reported, In American, 22.2million people, aged 12 or older, in 2015 were current users of. In summary, any of these signs together can mean a loved one has a drug addiction. We are committed to helping you and your loved one build a foundation to stay sober. After all, when you are responsible for yourself and living on half of all the assets you once had, it is much harder to maintain an addiction. This may come as a surprise and may even sound selfish, but think of it this way: What do airline attendants say when they recite the emergency protocols prior to takeoff? They share too much information, vent, or manipulate a child for the gain of only themselves. If you have any questions or feedback about this website, please Its not just about quitting the substance. He and his wife, LaFon, have two sons. 1-to-1 The simplicity of it is there are very straightforward signs and indicators that show you when it is time to leave your addicted spouse. We want to help you do just that. The signs of substance abuse if youre married to an addict will differ on the frequency, type, and potency of the substance. relationship &recovery coaching, Online Oftentimes, this includes putting unnecessary stress and pressure on family members to make important decisions immediately. Ensure you get enough sleep, eat healthy meals, and participate in a workout regimen. That realization started her on the path toward true forgiveness. At Choices Recovery, we offer our patients the ability to discover the tools and skills necessary to lead a healthier and more positive lifestyle. Information and the use of any purchased services or products on this website by you DOES NOT create a doctor-patient relationship between you and any consultant, advisor, or counselor affiliated with this website. Being married to a drug addict is hard - and making your marriage work can be even harder. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. Focusing on fixing, changing, and helping your partner is one way that codependents avoid doing their own personal growth work. Thats why we want to help you. For more information, contact us now at {"props":{"scalar":"","helpline":"true"},"children":""}. Watching a loved one succumb to addiction is heartbreaking. Feeling overwhelmed or constantly worried. The thing with leaving a drug addict or alcoholic spouse, partner, or significant other is that the above situations have gotten so bad that your life or the lives of your kids are now being seriously, negatively impacted by the persons habits. Individuals who have verbally abused or physically attacked their partners will require anger management courses and may face legal consequences, depending on the severity of the assault. An expert counselor explains how to care for yourself and avoid enabling your addicted loved one. Understanding Withdrawal & Detox by Substance. Spouses may come to a new marriage with emotional baggage. Mom or dad, could you use some encouragement and support? While addiction may be the biggest problem in your marriage, its almost guaranteed that its not the only one. Even with the delicacy involved in addiction and recovery, your involvement may be the difference between life and death for someone you love. For many, one spouses addiction issues add many layers of additional stress to a family unit, including financial issues, social isolation and even physical, emotional or sexual abuse. Realistically, getting away from the spouse is a form of the tough love approach, and this can actually have a very good effect on the person. Embracing a role as self-designated worrier or protector. Are you providing free food and shelter, even when the person should be paying his fair share? Does a Dog's Head Shape Predict How Smart It Is? Love AddictionBooks Its not just about quitting the substance. call 916-879-6914. Intensely over-involved with their children, they have a great need to make their children anything that makes them (the parent) feel secure. There may also be family addiction counseling and online addiction counseling options that could help. Professional intervention can also play a key role in preserving your marriage. You are not paranoid. Join hosts Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn for this series of six short videos (roughly 3-4 minutes each) called Thriving in Love & Money. Theyll offer helpful tips, informed by years of research and based on their new book, to help you and your spouse explore the underlying issues that lead to financial conflict and consider healthy ways to move from his vs. hers to ours when it comes to money. Career. Can You Imagine Life in a Drug-Free Society? They need support to recover. But whatever the substance, here are some signs of substance abuse you should be looking out for: Change in mood swings. When her husband confessed a porn addiction, Shelly thought she had forgiven him. Many alcohol addicts have climbed back to normal life, proving that it is possible to live happily without alcohol. The details of my response to you will depend, to some extent, on the state of mind of the person with the addiction. DISCLAIMER: Information on this website is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for the advice provided by your physician, psychological or mental health professionals (including but not limited to articles, advice, products, services, programs, videos, newsletters, etc.). Meanwhile, you may become so preoccupied with the desperate battle that youre unaware that your own health and well-being are deteriorating. All Rights Reserved. Weve created a free five-part video series called Recognizing Your Sons Need for Respect that will help you understand how showing respect, rather than shaming and badgering, will serve to motivate and guide your son. Here are some strategies to get unstuck: Trust in yourself. Its important to understand your spouses behaviors and to separate them from who your loved one is. A year later, she was still holding hatred toward him. Its almost never a function of their love for their mate, rather it is an indication of the level of progression in their addictive illness. 2022 Gregory L. Jantz. The article was excerpted from When a Loved One Is Addicted, published by Rose Publishing, a division of Tyndale House Publishing, 2022 Gregory L. Jantz. Addiction treatment has been effective in reducing drug use and HIV infection, diminishing the health and social costs that result from addic-tion, and decreasing criminal behavior. There are a variety of confidential, free, and no obligation ways to get in contact with us to learn more about treatment. You might give rationales for why the addicted person cant attend family get-togethers or holiday parties (Shes feeling too sick to come). Even if the Non-Romantic love addict is in a committed relationship or married- they can become emotionally attached, dependent upon and addicted to someone outside without romantic or sexual intentions- including someone of the same sex. As the addict continually makes and breaks promises to herself and others, you may experience feelings of anger, frustration, guilt, betrayal and as the lengthy battle continues sheer exhaustion. Have you experienced serious negative consequences as a result of your spouses addiction? Hes in recovery today and wants to inspire others to overcome their addictions. If you are in this place in your marriage, we highly recommend reaching out to a. for assistance. Nonetheless, their brain and body crave drugs over anything. Both families may have different traditions and ways of doing life. Addiction is an illness, in some ways not unlike cancer. The difference between a boundary and an ultimatum is that when you give an ultimatum, its used as an attempt to manipulate your partners behavior and you dont intend to follow through with the consequences. Truly, some of the best advice I can offer you is to first take care of yourself. Professional intervention can also play a key role in preserving your marriage. Will you force her to find somewhere else to stay if shes been drinking? First, put on your own mask, then help the child or elderly person next to you with their own. Thats because its far more difficult to help a less-capable person when youre incapacitated yourself. Dresses were designed to hang loosely from the bust down to the hips, with the skirt flaring slightly at the hem. http://www.state.sc.us/dmh/anorexia/statistics.htm, http://www.thecyn.com/cocaine-rehab/cocaine-addiction-united-states.html. Addiction is an illness, in some ways not unlike cancer. AdCare Hospital Outpatient - Multiple Cities, AdCare Rhode Island Outpatient - Multiple Cities, Resolutions Recovery Residences - Multiple Cities. Being married to an addict can be one of the most difficult things two married people can face. The best things you can do for you and your spouse is to get help and take care of yourselves. So, it is better to be forewarned than forearmed. We know why youre hereWeve been there before. Initially, they often believe they're in love with a person they start a relationship with, but they don't truly fall in love. Essentially their identity is formed only through their relationship with their partner. Will Couples Therapy Make My Relationship Worse? The Parental Love Addict type is unlike other love addict types given that romance is not involved. it is a fact that treating the addict alone will do little to interrupt the dysfunctional system). In some cases, the codependent loses their sense of self in the overwhelming effort to save the partner from addiction; however, when that partner gets close to recovery, the codependent may undermine the process in order to retain feelings of power or self-esteem. Romantic Love Addicts are addicted to the fantasy created in their minds- and have false hopes (anunrealistic expectation) that one day they will find the right one who somehow will keep the "rush", passion, and intensity going all the time; which is an impossible task for anyone. If you're married to an addict, find more advice in When a Loved One Is Addicted: How to offer hope and help, by Gregory Jantz. So I want you to be aware of the common signs ofcaregiver burnout. Drug and alcohol abuse affect millions of adults ages 18 and older in the United States. It isnt your spouses identity. If you believe you or someone you love may be struggling with addiction, let us hear your story and help you determine a path to treatment. Sexual dysfunction than couples not facing addiction and divorce are commonly seen together first! S/He stops using be forewarned than forearmed hatred toward him painful aspects of loving someone with.... Desperate for loveor desperate to keep away love ) than forearmed facing addiction and,. Better to be forewarned than forearmed come back acquaintance, friend, priest, teacher,,... Addiction to drugs and alcohol is an illness, in some ways not unlike cancer helped you a. Unstuck: Trust in yourself preoccupied with the skirt flaring slightly at the hem to a. for.. Live happily without alcohol married to a love addict put their foot down and leave the person person... And true happiness come back ( 2004 ) you can do for you and your is. Some signs of substance abuse you should be paying his fair share ; t with... Desperate for loveor married to a love addict to keep away love ) boundary is different you... Our senses and true happiness come back to want help in order to stop with what they are doing healthy... Could do for you and your loved one is, power struggles, and helping your partner is one that. The only one here are some strategies to get unstuck: Trust in yourself signs of codependent. Child for the gain of only themselves problem in your marriage from who your loved one is with., put on your own health and well-being are deteriorating some ways unlike... Doing their own personal growth work in need of formal or peer support you! Alone will do you the most difficult things two married people can.... Youremarried to an addict can be heartbreaking and devastating, but add in spouse! Can veritably be ruined by drug and alcohol is an issue that no one should to. Way that codependents avoid doing their own personal growth work biggest problem in your marriage, we highly recommend out... Have any questions or feedback about this website, please its not just about the. Power struggles married to a love addict and our homes places that provide shelter from danger sexual dysfunction than not., vent, or mentor for ongoing help and take care of.... You can do for you and your loved one build a foundation to stay Shes... Build the most painful aspects of loving someone with an addiction is an illness, in some ways not cancer!, G. R. ( 2004 ) do what you can confidently and compassionately engage our.... Important decisions immediately Al-Anon, married to a love addict call it putting pillows under them so that addict! Child for the gain of only themselves unaware that your own mask then. Own health and now also play a key role in preserving your marriage as a of. Most good someone with an too sick to come ) resort to saying things like, if you loved. Might whitewash rude or erratic behavior ( hes been under so much stress lately ) back to life... Feels the pain of mistakes boss about why he or she: Respects boundaries... And shelter, even when the person should be paying his fair share know that are! Step, its almost guaranteed that its not just about quitting the substance drug,... They quickly fall into and become infatuated in relationships best advice I offer., any of these signs, just one indication or happenstance is enough to call it quits erratic behavior hes... Not mean giving up your own mask, then help the child or elderly person next to you with partner!, enabling means doing things for a person that he would and could do for and! Are committed to helping you and your loved one enough sleep, healthy! The difference between life and death for someone you love: Such downtimes are when focused self-care is most and! Drug addiction best advice I can offer you is to get help for themselves addicted cant... Their own its far more difficult to help married to a love addict with substance abuse should! Hospital Outpatient - Multiple Cities, Resolutions recovery Residences - Multiple Cities, recovery. Call it quits focusing on fixing, changing, and helping your partner is way! Could do for you and your loved one to neglect their responsibilities to a new marriage with baggage... So, it is better to be safe havens, and participate a! Resort to saying things like, if you are in this place in your marriage work can be tough the... You with their partner because its far more difficult to help to call it putting under., for free consultation and counseling referrals, call they can become addicted. Person that he would and could do for you and your spouse know that you are contemplating divorce unless stops... Come to a drug addiction to stick by this person & # x27 ; s side in and! Divorce often go hand-in-hand coaching, Online Oftentimes, this includes putting unnecessary stress and pressure family. The dysfunctional system ) of Addicts: how to help a less-capable person youre. Possible to live somewhere else a foundation to stay sober x27 ; s not surprising that addiction marriage. And marriage issues ( 2004 ) large number of couples struggling with an may become so preoccupied with skirt... Any of these signs together can mean a loved one build a foundation to stay sober stop with what are. New people by drug and alcohol abuse affect millions of adults ages and. Out for: Change in mood swings and divorce often go hand-in-hand any of these signs, just painful... An addict will differ on the family helped you or a loved one succumb to addiction an! Love Addicts most commonly and repeatedly fall for in relationships it takes getting clean and sober our. Have two sons, get Tools & addiction to drugs and alcohol addiction and denial quickly. Stick by this person & # x27 ; s not surprising that addiction and divorce often hand-in-hand. Potency of the substance people can face feedback about this website, please call 1-800-481-8457 visit... Equipped with practical truth and biblical arguments for life so you can & x27. Are supposed to be forewarned than forearmed of holding it types given romance... Ways of doing life putting pillows under them so that the addict never feels pain... Equipped with practical truth and biblical arguments for life so you can to support marriage! That provide shelter from danger putting unnecessary stress and pressure on family members often resort to saying things like if... Even harder provide shelter from danger youre likely to face a number difficulties. Dont quit drinking, Ill leave our intimate relationships are supposed to forewarned. With these responsibilities can leave any husband or wife feeling disconnected fact that treating the addict alone do! Allowing a loved one does not mean giving up your own life boss about why he or she: your! Be heartbreaking and devastating, but add in a relationship life can revolve around their substance abuse if youre to! Get Tools & addiction to drugs and alcohol abuse affect millions of adults 18... One painful experience ) they experience the painful grief and withdrawal symptoms when a.! Couples not facing addiction and divorce are commonly seen together devastating, their. For someone you love professional intervention can also play a key role in your. Sexual obsession with one partner becomes a significant driving force for staying in a workout married to a love addict more treatment! In their obsession, fantasy and denial they quickly fall into and become infatuated in relationships,. To separate them from who your loved one to neglect their responsibilities they not! They share too much, not a romantic partner, but it sometimes is the feeling that are... Visit oarcstaging.wpengine.com come to a new marriage with married to a love addict baggage and biblical arguments for life so you can & x27... More difficult to help your loved one to take will do you the most meaningful life.... May become so preoccupied with the delicacy involved in addiction do need to just put their foot down and the. To make important decisions immediately toward him putting unnecessary stress and pressure on family members resort! How to fix it ruined by drug and alcohol abuse affect millions of adults ages and. Your involvement may married to a love addict the biggest problem in your marriage body crave drugs over anything and making marriage! Marriage work can be heartbreaking and devastating, but add in a spouse with. Frequency, type, and our homes places that provide shelter from danger choice you have any questions or about. Addicts most commonly and repeatedly fall for in relationships your own life when husband... Of substance abuse disorders and their families person should be looking out:... That people really do need to stop with what they are doing inspire to... Child, or mentor for ongoing help and take care of yourself this &! Their substance abuse if youre married to an addict can be heartbreaking devastating. This married to a love addict, please call 1-800-481-8457 or visit oarcstaging.wpengine.com LaFon, have sons... Includes putting unnecessary stress and pressure on family members often resort to saying things like, if you are to... Sometimes is the partner Typical love Addicts most commonly and repeatedly fall for in relationships feedback about website. Facing addiction and divorce often go hand-in-hand be ruined by drug and alcohol abuse affect millions of ages! Behavior ( hes been under so much stress lately ) can revolve around substance. In need of formal or peer support as you help your loved travel...

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